Please stop saying 'Ahhhhh' when I perform stand-up comedy
During my last show, I have a joke where I describe my vagina as an Indian burial ground. It’s full of cobwebs, dust and it’s haunted by the ghost of my husband’s dick. Perfect delivery! I was waiting for the laugh and instead I got, “Ahhhhhh.” Not what I expected.
This is not the first time this has happened to me. I have written more than 100 one-liners about how fat I have been or am, depending on where my body is at the time. One time I did 50 of them in one set, and it was difficult to get through because I thought the crowd was going to cry.
>>>>BLOG: What it’s like being a female comedian
I understand that I write about some odd things. I have jokes about my vagina, my fat body, my old body and lots of other self-deprecating humor. And why do I joke about those things? Because they are true things. I have a vagina. Sometimes my body is bigger than normal. I am also getting older and sometimes it sucks.
Some people might not find my jokes funny. That I get. It happens to everyone. However, if you don’t like something, then don’t laugh. Don’t make the female comedian feel like a silly little baby with obvious emotional problems. It’s quite presumptuous of the audience to think that I actually feel bad about myself.
I am a comedian. I get on stage and tell jokes. If for one second, I felt sorry or bad for myself, I wouldn’t get on the freaking stage. I get on stage and say the things I say in order to deal with them. It’s a well-known adage that comedians use comedy as therapy and to deal with what bothers them.
Why is it different when women do it? I’ve never heard an audience say “Ahhhhh” when a male comedian talks about his tiny penis and how he never gets laid. That is all actually quite funny to me, so why isn’t it funny to my audience? And it’s men AND women who say “Ahhhhh.” You’d think women would understand more, but that isn’t the case.
>>>>BLOG: On being a fat comedian
I love being a stand-up comedian. So much so that I have been doing it for 10 years. I do not want your pity. I want your honest and spontaneous reaction. If it’s to say “Ahhhh” at a comedy show, maybe going to watch comedy just isn’t for you.
I have read and researched a lot about comedy and gender. One article from “Social Anthropology,” an academic journal, author Marianna Keisalo says that “… Comedian Jukka Lindström suggested .. that men are not afraid to physically die, but are afraid of appearing ridiculous and shamed in a social situation. This led us to ponder if in this sense the man who is willing to step on the comedy stage is brave in a specifically exciting way, as he is willing to risk mortification, while a woman’s public failure is negative in a simpler way – uncomfortable without excitement. Women may be seen as weaker, which is reflected in the comedians’ views that men have thicker skin for the inevitable failures” (556).
This article suggests that men are seen as more brave when performing and women just seem sad. Men are still funnier even when they bomb. However, I’d like to argue that women are stronger than men for getting on stage and especially when they don’t do well with an audience or elicit a pity response.
And while this is just one article I have recently read, there are many more (and even books) on gender and comedy. Comedy has typically been just for the boys. I hope that with the new fluidity in gender many younger people have adopted is a sign that these stereotypes will change in the future.
Sorry to get all academic on you, but I like to figure out why things happen. I am also a journalist. I’m curious. I’m one of those silly women who will probably write more about her vagina, her body, her husband and whatever else will make people uncomfortable. The only reason these people are uncomfortable is because it’s a woman saying it.
Did I tell you I’m working on a joke about how I’m happy that my in-laws have always been dead and that I think my husband is a serial killer? I can’t wait to explore more ways to make people feel awkward. I’m a woman. I can do anything.
Works Cited
Keisalo, Marianna. “The Invention of Gender in Stand‐up Comedy: Transgression and Digression.” Social Anthropology / Anthropologie Sociale, vol. 26, no. 4, Nov. 2018, pp. 550–63. EBSCOhost, https://doi.org/10.1111/1469-8676.12515.
