Jokes that went through my brain but never solidified

I have many jokes that I’ve written that I’ve done one or two times over the last 10 years. Most were not good, but many were probably good. I just didn’t know it. I’m going to share some jokes that have been ruminating for some time. Most are old references that I really think were funny many years ago.

>>>>DIARY: Here’s the diary I wrote about how I’m a loner

Let me know what you think.

• I went to the gyno. Apparently, my vagina is more toxic than Flint, Michigan’s drinking water. That explains why all my ex-boyfriends are fucking morons.

• There was a guy on Intervention who had narcolepsy and was addicted to cocaine. I don’t see any problem with that.

• Your tattooed skin can now be cut off of you and framed for your loved ones after you die. So I guess now grandma’s tramp stamp can live forever.

• I sound like a bird that hasn’t been invented yet.

• I always wake up before my alarm goes off. That’s some kind of winning, isn’t it?

• I’m really bad at starting stuff, especially a new roll of toilet paper. Especially if it’s cheap and it has that glue on it. It’s impossible to rip it evenly. I end up unrolling it in shreds. By the time I’m done, it’s like a mummy has disrobed and I’m wiping my crotch with streamers and confetti.

I’ve tried a couple of these on stage. Most I haven’t so enjoy my attempts to be funny. FYI: I think the toilet paper joke has potential.

That last one actually made me laugh. Thank you for reading my jokes that I’m not sure what to do with. Feedback is appreciated.