48: Sometimes you have to accept that you are a loner

I’m a little introspective today. Over the last couple weeks, there have been some events in my life that have shown me how much of a loner I actually am, and have always been. Now that I am in my 40s, it’s time to accept my fate and embrace it.

I’ve been on my own pretty much since age 5 when my twin sisters were born. There was mom and dad. There was Lisa and Monica. And then there was just Jess, usually sitting by herself reading a book. All through grade school, I rarely had close friends. Partly because I didn’t get along with most girls, and I still don’t. I think I scare them.

>>>>SHOWS: It’s cold so come inside and get warm with comedy

I just can’t seem to make friends in my adult life either. Playing volleyball or taking classes at the Kettering Recreation Center have allowed me to meet people. However, any meaningful friendships have yet to be actualized.

In my work at Sinclair, I am the only person in my department that is not in Building 2. I am by myself in the position that only I have over in Building 6. This is actually not too bad. When I am alone in my office, I get the most work done. Also, half my job is more involved with students at the Clarion.

In my marriage, I am typically alone. My husband isn’t in the best of health, and we rarely do anything together. We’ve been together for more than 20 years, and we have always been total opposites. I go out by myself. But Chris is always there to watch TV with and eat tuna noodles on the couch.

Lastly, I used to feel part of the comedy community. Now that’s pretty much non-existent. I know it’s partly my fault, but it’s also the way I feel. I’m not comfortable around a lot of people and typically feel taken advantage of. I’ve been burned a lot.

But I intend to embrace this lone wolf-ness. I’m ready to sit inside and read books. Host a monthly comedy show at a winery. Maybe even once a month go out somewhere with or without people.

A real GIF of me from this morning.