PART 1: Home sweet home? More like home salty home

As most of you know, I moved my sketchy East Dayton-living butt to the beautiful suburb of Kettering. I got a great deal on a home way bigger than my old one. The puppies could each have their own bedroom if they wanted.

Now I know that new homes are notorious for being money pits However, my last home was amazing because in the 8 years we lived there, no big issues occurred. I bought the house in the Obama home reimbursement years, so I took my $5K and put it back into my home.

>>>>SHOWS: It's summer and I have shows, shows, shows

I had all the plumbing redone because some of the pipes were crusty. I also had the bathroom completely redone because the bath tub that was in there originally was aqua green and had terrible glass doors.

After those improvements, the only things I ever had to put money into was trimming the giant trees every other year and a new roof. My insurance paid for most of the roof though. We fixed some cracks in the driveway ourselves, but that was really it.

None of the appliances ever broke in the old house, even the water heater that was from the 1980s. The basement never flooded and our home was never broken into. We were lucky.

Fast forward to buying our Kettering chateu in March, we thought we were getting a great deal. Almost everything was new; we would only have to fix a few things and paint. And that is what we did. I also bought a new washer and dryer.

Then we moved in and almost immediately, everything just started breaking and blowing up. I just want to share with you a list of all the BS that has gone wrong with this house.

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Siding: Some of the siding just blew off the house when we had our final walk-through. We asked the owners to fix and they did. They fixed it by just hammering nails into the house, damaging some of the siding.

Floors: We knew the floors weren’t prestine, but the amount of work we had to do to make them look good was crazy. The people who painted this house did not give a fuck about splatter. We had to scrap paint off the floors with razor blades. I never worked so hard in my damn life.

Cracks where water is leaking.

Sump pump and water issues: It has rained a lot this spring and we noticed our sump pump would go off almost every two or three minutes when it rained. We learned that our home was being drenched with water from the empty lot next door. We had to get a double sump pump and a water alarm because we would get water in the basement. We also have to have our downspouts fixed and rerouted.

Air conditioner: The first day we needed the air conditioner, it wouldn’t work. I had a friend come over and look at it. Luckily, it was just the thermostat, which was easily fixable. However, I was stressed out for at least 4 hours.

Fridge broke: Our stainless steel fridge wasn’t working the way it should Now I will say, this mishap was mostly Chris’ fault. He was messing with some pipes and broke some of them right off. But when he did that, we found out there was mold in the fridge. We had to pay $400 to have it fixed and cleaned.

Tree removed: We were happy to move here because we only had 2 small trees. At the old house, we had 2 giant 50-year-old oak trees that needed constant attention. We wanted to trim one of the trees, but were told it was rotten from emerald ash borer and had to be removed. $800 to get that tree taken down, as well as a smaller one.

This is where that dumb tree used to be.

Electric upgrade: This one is also Chris’ fault. We had to upgrade our electric panel for his music equipment.

Leaking pipes: The inspector didn’t even see the rotted out pipe underneath the bathroom sink. Seriously! Also, just recently, we found out our tub is leaking, and we will have to get the pipes replaced.

Sewer line: The first week we lived in the house, the very first time Chris did laundry, the sewer backed up. We had it snacked, but the next week, the same thing happened. We had my plumber put a camera down the line. He informed us that the line is pretty jacked up and might need replacing. That costs like a zillion dollars. We aren’t fixing it quite yet, because we were told if we hold the handle on the toilet longer, we might get another 5 years out of the line.

This is not the actual raccoons. It is just a stock photo of an evil raccoon.

Raccoons: This just happened recently. I thought there was a Bigfoot walking on the roof. It turns out it was raccoons. They climb up the metal poles in the backyard and eat bird eggs. We recently found some raw meat in our yard. We were happy to learn it was the raccoons and not someone throwing meat at our house because they hate our guts.

There is actually a second part to this blog because so many things have gone wrong with this house that it warrants a second blog. Look for it soon!