Time for O.J. to make Naked Gun 4
O.J. Simpson holds a special place in the hearts of many people who are my age. I was in junior high when the white Bronco went on the slow-paced chase through Los Angeles. I was a freshman in high school when my teacher allowed us to watch the verdict on the massive tube TV in the corner of the room.
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I have a connection because during my days as a fun-loving witty teen, my nickname became “The Juice.” This was just because someone’s mistook Jess for Juice, but it stuck. I spent many years joking about how I killed my wife.
So what will The Juice do now that he is loose? He will be free in November, so here’s what we think could happen.
Go back to jail. We are leaving this pretty open-ended. We are not sure for what or when, but more jail time is a possibility.
Sue the NFL for brain trauma. The numerous concussions O.J. received while playing football may have contributed to his erratic behavior that led to him going to prison. Who tries to steal their own memorabilia? A crazy nut job with brain trauma.
Make Naked Gun 4. Priscilla Presley’s face will hold up as long as it isn’t under light for more than 3 hours at a time. Maybe instead of a Dragnet spoof, the new Naked Gun could make fun of one of 8,000 cop shows that air now. Or he could just take Ice T’s place on Law and Order.
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Take a position in Trump’s cabinet. This is actually a very real possibility. These two Adonises were friends. Trump still has more than 100 positions to fill, and it doesn’t look like a massive amount of people are lining up for these jobs. O.J. Simpson could fill any of the seven unfilled positions in the Department of Housing and Urban Development. Ben Carson could use some help.
Create a reality TV show. This might be the most obvious answer. But wouldn’t it be great if O.J. judged a murder-mystery show and when you made it through to the next round he said, “Congrats. The glove don’t fit, so you must’ve quit.”
Rebrand the white Bronco. O.J. is 70-years-old now. He will have trouble getting in and out of a vehicle that requires a booster step to get in and out. Also, there’s no way an old man has ever owned a car that only had 2 doors. O.J. will stretch that Bronco out and add a short staircase. Then he will possibly just trade it in and buy a Cadillac.
Watch the show about him. While watching he’ll shake his head and takes notes to send to the director. He might even arrange a meeting with Cuba Gooding, Jr. to give him some pointers on how to act like you are acting like you really didn’t commit murder. He will then go threaten and steal the awards that everyone received for the show because they are rightfully his.
And we rewind to the first option.
