I'm sorry. Am I being too loud? Too bad.
One of the things that I hate more than anything, and that’s including gross feet, is when people tell me I’m too loud. Or I need to lower my voice. Or I need to take it down an octave. Or, my favorite, do you know that your voice carries?
Yeah. It makes me feel like Aimee Man in the “Voices Carry” music video when she has that weird gross rat tail thing. At first she’s complacent, but then when she’s had enough she belts it out in the middle of a play, possibly “Death of a Salesman.”
One incident occurred when I was meeting with students in a vacant office at the university where I teach as an adjunct. We have conferences where I meet one-on-one with the young students. Because having my own office would just make the higher-up professors feel like they’re less special.
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I was talking with a student at 8 a.m. enthusiastically. When I engage with a student, and we are so excited about writing, we get loud. This professor walked up to my doorway right while I was talking with a student. He stopped and said, “I just wanted to tell you, your voice really carries down the hall.” I just stared at him until he left.
What did I want to say? “Well, I’m really sorry. It’s a good thing you’ve never heard me get fucked.”
The second time was my sister telling me I was talking loudly this weekend at my parents during Easter. I totally understand why she said that. First off, I was drunk. Secondly, she’s lame and can be a bitch. My family constantly tells me I’m too loud. You’d think you could be yourself around loved ones.
My husband used to tell me I was too loud when we first started dating, but he has since figured out that he should never ever do that. Ever.
I’ve been told not to sing and dance at a concert before. This might be because it was a casino and there were so many old people there who were jealous because they can no longer jump and dance and sing or wipe their own butts after taking a dump.
So why do I care? When I was younger I didn’t. But now that I’m an adult, I feel like I need to be more mindful of others. This mindfulness has led to some anxiety and paranoia. I constantly find myself asking my husband, “Am I being too loud? Are people annoyed by me? Is it OK if I sing along with this Beatles cover band?”
He just tells me I’m fine and smiles. He squeezes my hand and tells me to just do what I want. I let this anxiety ruin my good time, and I have a lower quality of life because of it. It annoys me that I have this constant feeling that people are judging me for being a dumb loud woman.
What’s my point? My point is that some people are just loud. Some people have a couple drinks and scream “Eight Days a Week” at the top of their lungs during a concert. Some people talk on stage and in front of 25 people in a classroom every day, which carries over into their everyday lives. Some people get excited while mentoring students and speak loudly with passion.
So anyone who thinks I’m too loud can just go ahead and fuck right off.
