Not Jenny from the block
For those of you who don’t know, my name is Jessica Graue. A beautiful, eloquent name I have always been proud of. However, there are two conflicting stories from my parents on why I was named Jessica.
Story 1: My mother asserts I was named after a character in the late 1970s sitcom Soap. She said I was named after Jessica Tate. If you don’t know Soap, you might know her as the red-headed grandma Mona in Who’s the Boss. I dislike this story because Jessica Tate apparently drank paint when she was a baby because she was a dunce. I’d hate to be named after a dummy.
Story 2: According to my father, I was named after Jessica Walter. I’m not really sure from what, but my dad really loved her in the 1970s. Throughout the decade, she was in tons of TV shows and a couple movies. Play Misty for Me is the one I recognize. I know her as Lucille Bluth from Arrested Development, the wine drinking money-hungry mother of three. I relate with all those things. Of course I have no kids, but I’m sure if I did, I’d hate them. I like this story much better.
So what’s the issue? The issue is that for an abundant portion of my life, I have been referred to as Jennifer by sooooooooooooooooo many people. So many times now that I really don’t even correct people when they call me Jennifer or Jen. I let someone else eventually tell them, so they feel like a despicable human for not even knowing who the hell I am.
Who has called me Jennifer?
- A boss I had at Sinclair for 6 years. This one was kind of adorable. He was an older gentleman, who I believe had a daughter named Jennifer. So the fact he confused me with his daughter actually made me smile. I worked up in this job receiving 3 promotions over 6 years. I eventually became his assistant, so I know he knew who I was. He just loved me like a daughter I guess.
- The minister at my wedding. This one was awkward. I got married in Viva Las Vegas wedding chapel. I was intently staring at my husband as the ceremony began. The minister said, “Do you Jennifer take Chris …” I looked at the minister, kind of just speechless. My sister finally spoke up and said, “It’s Jessica.” This would have only been better if Elvis would have been officiating. Luckily, we have the tape of the wedding. Unluckily, it’s on a VHS tape. I’m not sure it will ever be seen ever again.
- At least 4 people at my current job. I’m not going to name names, but you know who are. I’ve worked at my job for 3 years now. Just 1 month ago, I was called Jen. However, in everyone’s defense, I tend to look mean and unapproachable. It took me at least a year to get comfortable in my new job. The upside is that people don’t ask me to do work. The down side is that … Well, maybe there is no downside.
- Students. Many have written Jennifer on papers they turn in to me. You don’t want to know what they’ve done with my last name. I think I once got a paper that said “Professor Jennifer Gauserd.” This is all hilarious because all a student has to do is go to the internet and look at our class homepage where my name is readily available. It’s on the homepage, syllabus, sample papers and on their schedules. But as I’m starting to learn, students do not understand how to use the internet or anything that necessitates them using a desktop computer.
- A host at a comedy show. I was brought up on stage as Jennifer Graue once. They didn’t pronounce my last name correctly either, but that’s expected. People have always butchered the hell out of it. The three vowels in a row tends to be a quagmire for most. I got on stage and said, “I hope Jennifer is funnier than Jessica.” When I host and introduce people on stage, I always ask how to pronounce the person’s name. Also, I ask, what is your name? Typically, I write it down. I don’t just make crap up.
This is only a small sampling of the times I actually remember. There have been many more. I’ve never tried to develop this into a bit to do on stage. However, if I make it big and have T-shirts made, I think they will say, “Jokes on stage from Jennifer Gauserd. Blow jobs in the Green Room by Jessica Graue.”
