Dayton: 2 exits of fun
By Christopher West
It took almost seventeen years to the day from the debut of The Simpsons on The Tracy Ullman Show to mention the city of Dayton. That may seem like a long time, but the odds of it being mentioned were about as good as Springfield, Ohio being the Springfield referred to in the show.
The episode entitled “Catch 'Em If You Can” aired Sunday, April 25, 2004. The episode was a parody of the film Catch Me If You Can, but surprisingly made more than just one reference to the Gem City.
The most important thing we learned is Grandpa Simpson’s brother Tyrone lives in Dayton. An actual Simpsons’ family member, albeit one we never see again, lives in Dayton, Ohio. But his one-off is not a slight against Dayton, since in the episode “Lisa the Simpson” we see a few dozen family members never to be seen again.
As one can expect in most sitcoms, Ohio isn't shown in the greatest light. Marge informs the kids they need to pack for a trip. A trip to Dayton. The kids look dumbfounded at which point she clarifies it's in Ohio. Their faces are still expressionless. We find out it is poor Uncle Tyrone's birthday. As a flashback ensues, we see Tyrone in front of a cake lamenting he wished he was dead.
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I have a feeling the writers wrote that because they want to imply that anyone would rather be dead than live in Dayton. Let’s face it, living in Ohio probably seems like death to them.
If you’re not an avid Simpsons fan, you’re probably not aware that they have a penchant for hiring white, Ivy League writers. Most of them come from the Harvard Lampoon. Conan O'Brien being one of the best known. This is where the concept of laughing at a high-brow joke that most don't understand, but still laugh started in cartoons.
At one point, we are informed of a book, hotel, and museum that don't actually exist. This is where we really see what those Hollywood writers think of us.
Marge begins reading from a book hilariously titled Dayton: Two Exits of Fun. Now, if we go by what Marge reads, one exit is to the Wright-Patterson Air Force Base, which is real and a great shout-out to the city.
The other is the fictional Zipper Museum. Supposedly, the museum has a zipper from every James Bond film. I don't know about you, but honestly I wouldn't doubt such a thing actually existed here. Ohio is after all, home to the Pencil Sharpener Museum, Barber Hall of Fame, and the Troll Hole. The Troll Hole being the largest collection of those naked trolls with long colored fuzzy hair. Sounds like a great weekend getaway to me.
The hotel mentioned is The Dayton Arms hotel. From the look of it, I assume if real, would be at Main and Third streets. Bart and Lisa also seem unamused that it was given three diamonds from Five Diamonds Magazine. A reputable magazine I'm sure.
At the horrifying thought of all of this Bart and Lisa exclaim, “Please don't make us go!” Bart even threatens that he would rather give himself diarrhea than go to Dayton. He makes it clear he knows how to do it. So it’s good he didn't go on the trip because from what I've seen, there's already enough diarrhea in Dayton to go around.
At this point Marge and Homer just give in and tell them to stay with Grandpa Simpson.That was probably a good idea. Just look at the episodes like Call of the Simpsons and Itchy and Scratchy Land. No trip to the city ever goes well for the family. Homer tells the kids if they're not going then they need to have a family night. This leads to one of the last bits we get before Dayton is mentioned for the last time.
At this point Homer and Marge leave by themselves for a romp around the great city of Dayton. They're ecstatic to get away from the kids and their humdrum life in Springfield. While waiting to board the plane to Dayton, they see a group of people celebrating their trip to Miami. Everyone in the Dayton line is dressed in drab clothes, coats, and wearing a look of general malaise. Everyone in the Miami line is in beachwear and forming a conga line, so they did what anyone in that predicament would do. Screw their family and screw Dayton. We’re going to Miami.
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They lie to the kids and Grandpa Simpson and say they're in Dayton. It’s at this point the children have just witnessed Kent Brockman break in with news that there's a tornado in Dayton. I have to wonder if this is just a coincidence or the writers are fans of Gumbo. The tornado conveniently only destroys the Dayton Arms Hotel until it’s an actual hole in the ground.
Marge mischievously lies and tells Lisa they're checking in from Dayton. Homer and Marge already tipsy, clink wine glasses by the pool and congratulate themselves on their lie. Marge assures Lisa they are in Dayton and it’s very boring. When asked about the weather in Dayton, Marge says, “Typical boring Dayton weather.”
This is the point where we have our 10th and final mention of Dayton, Ohio. From this point on, the episode is a parody of Frank Abagnale (Leonardo DiCaprio) trying to escape the clutches of Carl Hanratty (Tom Hanks). The kids hunt down Marge and Homer from Miami all the way to Canada.
Ten references to Dayton in The Simpsons is something this city should be proud of. No, they weren’t all flattering, but what mention of Ohio ever is. The episode went on to win Best Animated Screenplay at the Writers Guild Awards in 2005. Again, I'm surprised something associated with Dayton this much would win that award, so good for us.
